Salam

I witnessed two toddlers battling through an intercultural misunderstand today - shame I don't have a photo if this but I'll try to explain. We had lunch in a local restaurant and having eaten some sweet and sour fish with a great appetite, and even more cake, Sofia was getting bored. So she started chatting with the little boy at the next table.
Whilst they didn't seem to share the same language, they managed to communicate somehow and shared giggles across the tables. But when Sofia climbed off her chair to hold her new friend's hand, he took it and held it to his forehead with a little bow. Sofia kept offering her hand but this greeting kept repeating much to Sofia's confusion. They never managed to get past this. The little boy started to get equally confused and I decided to meddle and asked Sofia not to insist.

It is not only toddlers who are finding the local customs baffling sometimes - I'd like to say that they can happily make mistakes where as I have found it sometimes even daunting to attend the lunches and various events that I get invited to as an RAF wife. The first ever moment when I felt I was out of my league was at the graduation where I was rehearsing to curtsey in the car park - just in case. Luckily I didn't have to put that into place that time.

Since then I have managed to navigate my way around the formal dos at various functions but since moving to Brunei I've been faced with a new culture, and a new confusing set of rules. I was aware that the local men mostly don't greet women so initially that wasn't a problem - until I started attending the military dos here, where most of the people are educated abroad and therefore are quite happy to greet women, either by a small bow or even a shake of hands. OK - so I have resolved this by standing next to my husband, waiting to see what the person in front will do. If they offer their hand, fine, I am happy to shake it. If they decide to pass me without acknowledgement, I am fine by that too.

But the ladies. In theory, there is no reason why they wouldn't extend their greetings to me, and normally they do. But this is slightly confusing as they seem to have a completely different customs amongst themselves including kissing on the cheeks whilst they have tended to greet me with a handshake. But only watching my daughter with this local boy I started wondering if the odd and limb handshakes from local women have in fact been a sign that I was meant to raise this extended hand to my forehead to show respect rather than shake it. I hope there isn't a whole squadron of people thinking how rude I am.... I must pay more attention to their extended hands in the future - are they really offered as a greeting, or are they extended for me to pay respect.

I do think that there is a briefing missing from this end when we moved into the country... I had barely arrived and we were already whisked into the commander's house. I just about didn't offend anyone with my barely long enough dress. I really didn't want this extra stress on greeting people! And unbelievably six months on it still carries on. Once I've figured out this "lady problem" (not that kind!), I will start wondering how to possibly greet the Sultan in the summer....